Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
