Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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