the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
