he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
