Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am available for nakedness
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
