You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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