we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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