and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
