hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
