so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
