Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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