He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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