Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
