Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
