Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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