he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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