Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A bitchslap is in order.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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