I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am available for nakedness
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
