I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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