Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
