nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
