just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
