Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
