I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
