puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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