You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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