THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As shirtless as possible
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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