Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
