Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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