she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
