Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
