is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
