im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
