apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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