Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
