I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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