I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
