I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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