you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
