Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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