someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
