I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
