im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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