why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
