I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're facebook friends in real life
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
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