How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
