Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
