You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
