i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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