We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
