Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
