I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
